"THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A FASHION OBJECT "

        Who knew that sitting in a large drawer wouldn't be enough space for fifty pairs of glasses? But I guess when you're sitting next to a pair of Tom Fords and their ego, there wouldn't be enough space in the world to fit all of those god awful personalities.

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        As a pair of blue-light glasses, my purpose for this world is simple, and so is my look. My shape? Generic. My value? Factory-level cheap. But I always knew I was rich in color. Bold mustard yellow frames and translucent gold temple arms with an infinite tortoise pattern are what make me unique, but other than that, I’ll be honest, I'm not extremely different. So, when my wearer put me in their cart and bought me, I thought I would be another accessory that would collect dust, but little did I know I would become rich in so much more, as function and design were just my beginning.

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        My journey to the wearer was absolutely dramatic. I thought I could enjoy the scenic route of my trip outside the Amazon warehouse, but I guess not, as bubble wrap is no match for those mail people. I guess Amazon is truthful in the fact that Prime is “fast” shipping, but it's also another word that is probably not appropriate for me to use in this story. Anyways, in addition to the so-called “delivery,” I couldn't help but be confused as to why the wearer had chosen me. I mean, if you saw the order history I was up against, so would you.  But even with all my confusion, I knew that I would try my best to win my wearer over.

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        When I had arrived, my wearer was clearly excited as I got a mail delivery special part two as they ran me upstairs, shaking my box aggressiv– i mean–eagerly. The box opened, and who I referred to as the wearer was now the boy. In the midst of trying me on, he gave me a tour of his bedroom and even introduced me to his mom, which I thought was a little soon for our first meeting. You know, usually it’s dinner first – then a couple more dates – but hopefully it meant I was a keeper. But I was quickly humbled as once he and his mom decided I was perfect for “the shoot” – whatever that means, I was back in my case, and placed in a drawer.

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        Now, the drawer wasn't an empty place – it was a place that housed almost fifty pairs of glasses, and they were all just staring at me. There were some kind pairs from the Warby Parker section, which makes sense because I heard they were the humble type. The thrifted section was, dare I say, rustic, but hey, I respect my elders, so I won't continue. There were some familiar faces from Amazon that were nice to see. And then there were the Tom Fords, and of course, I was placed right next to them. “Another pair of basic Amazon frames?” they stated. Were these on sale, too? “Actually, I was limited edition,” I word vomited. Our interaction was quick, but I could already feel my life becoming an episode straight out of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, where I was Kourtney, and Tom Ford was Kim, but I knew I would get the last laugh.

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        For days, the boy ordered tons of glasses, and the drawer lingered with gossip about “the shoot.” “It's supposed to be really important,” said the Warby Parkers. “It's not 'supposed' to be important, it IS important,” said the Tom Fords. “Only four glasses get picked, but I’m sure he will change that once he realizes how cheap all of you look,” they continued. Not wanting to reveal that I was already confirmed for a spot in the final photoshoot, I so badly wanted to say, “ No one cares about how expensive you are, there are people dying, Kim!” but I wanted to keep the peace and save all my Keeping Up With the Kardashians references for after the boy picked me for his senior pictures.

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        After more days of waiting, the drawer randomly opened, and the boy reached in for me, and three other pairs he recently ordered from Amazon, and every pair of glasses in the drawer was shocked. After that, everything moved so quickly. Even though I knew I was going to get picked, I didn't expect to go straight from the drawer to the beautiful streets of Detroit for a monumental photoshoot. I had no time to process, plus, the boy’s family and friends were going to be there, so I had to show off, especially because I had to sit and listen to the Tom Fords for days straight, wanting to pull the srews out of my temple frames.

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        The boy placed me on his face when it was time to shoot, and I finally felt like I knew what my purpose was, not as an accessory but a true statement. “First Day of Fashion School at SCAD” was the title of my segment, and my bold yellow frames were paired with a grey SCAD hoodie, yellow plaid shorts (giving “Clueless” realness), and a crisp white pair of Converse. As soon as the cameras started flashing, the boy grinned, and  I sat proudly on his face as the golden sunlight caught every angle of our pose. His parents watched proudly as his dad proclaimed loudly, “Yup…that’s him. That’s…‘DAYTime’.”  And from that moment, my purpose was never the same, and neither was the boys'.